Dot`sThoughts

Monday, July 6, 2010
Soo much sadness, looking forward to happier days .
So much has happened since I last wrote. I had lost my oldest brother Fred in June, 2008, then less than 6 months later I lost my last Uncle -John Thompson -on Dec. 2008, Next it was my 3rd and last brother Gerald just 8 months later in August 2009, 9 months later it was my Aunt Hazel Thompson in May of this year. Only 13 days after losing my Aunt , last month on June 15th I lost my beloved 14 year old Border Collie who had kept me going every since I lost my husband in 2002.
There was also another favorite uncle , a cousin, a cousin`s husband and other relatives in these three years. We got so we felt like we were living at the local Funeral Home.

All my life if we lost one person, we usually lost 2 more before that year was over. It happened so often that we sort of expected it to happen in three`s. But things seemed to change after I lost my wonderful husband Walt in 2002. Things started happening in our immediate family every 2 years. Two years after my husband it was my youngest sister`s husband who died from an accident, then 2 years after Steve, it was my oldest sister`s husband Bud (Edwin), then 2 years after Bud, it was my oldest brother Fred. Then things changed again and there were only months between, not enough to even try to handle one before there was another. I try to tell myself that when you get older, everyone else also gets older and I should be prepared for things like this. But, how do you prepare for losing a loved one, then another and another. All you can do is pray for help handling it.
At my Aunt`s funeral, my older sister (will be 81 this month) was telling someone that she was now the oldest member of our family. When she saw me she said to me , "after me, you will be the oldest". I told her she had to hang around for years because I never wanted to become the oldest. I now have three sisters, one 2 years older, one 4 years younger and my youngest who is almost 11 years younger than I am.

Today is the 4th of July and our thoughts should be on all those fighting wars so we can live in peace here at home. But, last week there was a terrible house fire where 6 children died ranging in age from 1 year to 12 years. Six children who will never know what it is like growing up into adulthood. I only knew 2 of these children- one age 6, the other age 12, but I feel for all of them. The mother of these two children came to see me last week with her 14 year old daughter and one of my granddaughters who came up from Virginia to be with her friend. The mother also has another daughter who turned 16 on the day of the fire. Her 2 children who died in the fire had only been living with their father and his girl friend for a few months. So very very sad for everyone in their families and for all those who loved them. All 6 funerals will be held this week. My heart goes out to all of them.

This is not the usual posts I write in my blog, but my mind is just so filled with memories of everyone. I am finding it hard to clear my mind and think of things going on here in my own home. One daughter had back surgery last week and is slowly starting to get around again. A son brought me two of those quite heavy horse swings like the ones you used to see on the old school play ground swing sets. Not sure what material they are made from. Full horses with the legs bent up under their bodies. The day he gave them to me, he turned over a high barrel, placed a long wide board across the barrell and sat the two horses up on the board ballancing them so the board stayed in place. He know I have a problem bending over for very long. After him and his family left, I started scrubbing them clean. The next day I spent re-painting them- white horses, black manes, hoofs and tails and eyes, bright red saddles trimmed with black edging and black halters painted on the horses heads. I was surprised how well they looked when I finished. I am thinking of maybe doing a second coat of the white part on the horses. Next , I need to decide how I wish to set them up in my yard. Last month this same son gave me one of those horse/ carriage set ups that is an open weave style with those tiny Christmas lights that light up on it. Beautiful and large - resembles the reindeer. sleigh ones you see in yards at Christmas time. As you probably guessed, I am a horse lover and own a large collection, part inside and part outside. Painting them helped. I have always handled things better if I stay busy. I have started making a knitted , hooded baby sweater that zips down the back. Need to get two made for the new great grand babies expected in the near months. My family may be getting lots smaller all the time while my own childrens families are getting larger. It feels like us older ones move on to make room for all the younger generation to move in. I will be 79 years old in September, time sure seems to fly by so much faster when you get older. I can still remember when having three months off from school in the summer seemed like it lasted a lot more than just three months. Now, it seems like summer just starts and in no time it is over and cold weather is back again. Is it because as we age we find so much more that needs to get done that we have forgotten how to just sit and relax and let the world go by without feeling we shouldn`t be wasting time needed to accomplish all that needs doing. Why have we forgotten what it was like when we were kids with nothing much to worry about. Why did we let ourself become so worried about how things look to others or about all the repairs we need to do, instead of just spending some time enjoying ourself with out filling our heads with problems that might never happen just because we stopped and wasted away a whole day. The jobs will still be there tomorrow, but wouldn`t our health be improved if we spent less time worrying and more time laughing having fun? Easy to say, but how do we change how our habits have us controlled? Can we change the way we have spent most of our lives? If only it was as easy to alter our lives as it is to alter clothes.