Dot`sThoughts

Sat., August 16th, `08
Wondering how .....?

I am left wondering how some people can forget others feelings when someone asks them to do a favor for them. One person`s selfishness caused a lot of hurt to others who had loved her totally.
This person was only related through the person they hurt the worst. Raised by a father who loved her, growing up with him, a step mother, half brothers and sisters and a birth brother -all had loved
her, Then in her 40`s she suddenly decided to dump this father and all the family in favor of her mother who had tried to smother her when she was a baby. The grandmother took her daughters baby and raised it while the father was in service stationed in Germany during the 2nd World War and even moved the father into their home with his daughter when he came home. The mother was considered unfit in court and the father was given full custody , but the father still allowed visiting rights in their Divorce, but the mother never once wanted to see the daughter. I learned this daughter had given her birth mother money and as long as she continued giving her money this B Mother continued to allow her to visit. Later on this daughter got tired of the treatment and asked the st. mother she had disowned to help her get her name off the home where her B M was living. Of course she had no power to do this. She told the daughter that she didn`t put her name there and she had no power to remove it. She didn`t want to go back to being part of the family, she just kept wanting favors when it was convenient for her. She felt she could use people when it was convenient and still not want anything to do with them if that was what her mother wanted her to do.
To cover her terrible actions, she started telling a lot of lies. When called on these lies, her answer was that she knew they were not true and still she used them to get money from the step mothers S-I-L-which was her goal when making up the lies.
This one S-I-L took it on herself to start more trouble. Then since many others had borrowed money from this person, they slowly came under her control, and that made it hard for them to ever tell her no. Every one had been asked not to bring up her name to those she had hurt so bad. Still when the S-I-L- wanted a phone # for the hurtful one, one Aunt called a niece and asked for the #. When this niece told her she didn`t have it and didn`t want to talk about the person, the Aunt mentioned she was calling for the S-I-L who wanted to get a message to her. This S-I-L already
had the # and never needed others to make a call for her. I am left with this question- How could this Aunt walk on a sister and her family for a S-I-L when they knew the whole story about all this girl had done to everyone. Of course, this Aunt never heard the story made up about her own family. When she learned this, she herself called this person to tell her how she felt about the lies. Still she can`t see any thing wrong with upsetting her own niece for this person. Her excuse was the S-I-L asked her the favor and she felt that made it ok. I guess living in a house the S-I-L now owns gives her power of control, regardless of who is getting hurt. How can money become more important than peoples feelings. Yesterday I was told the sister who made the call is still hurting and they felt the niece owed her an appology. My reply to this was that , since the other Aunt knew before making the call, she is the one who owes the apology. I knew they had all been asked not to mention that name to any of the family, so how can they feel they still had the right to do it and think the one who was hurt owes the apology. Another Aunt said it wasn`t the Aunts fault she made the phone call since she was asked to do it. Did the S-I-L have a gun to her back forcing her to do it?
Is it so impossible for them to say the word "no"? They sure say no to everyone else.
Guess I feel that families feeling should come first over the wishes of others. Am I too old fashioned? Does having money make a persons wishes that important. I have always heard the old saying that money talks. It just never worked that way for me. I could have had money anytime I wanted by just asking a brother and he would have gladly given it to me. I loved him, not his money. Am I that much different from most people. I sure hope not, or what is this world coming to? Isn`t it better to be loved than to just have lots of money? Money might be necessary, but a person should never be under someones control because of borrowing that money. I could not live that way- feeling I had to do whatever I was asked just for the privilege of being able to borrow money. If I owed someone, I wouldn`t feel good until I had scrimped and saved to pay them back every cent.

How could a S-I-L `s wishes become more important than a nieces. Shouldn`t sisters and their families come before the step daughter who had dumped everyone, especially when some of the lies were about a sister`s family? This step D had said there was only one person in the whole family that was any good and that was because this person she said was the only one with money. I guess money is all that matters to her.
I am still confused. I can`t understand why the person who was so hurt should owe an apology to the person who was in the wrong. It is almost like they are afraid of what the S-I-L might do if they refuse to do whatever she asks of them. I may have gotten someone mad at me for telling them how I felt, but if I had to agree with them just to get along, I don`t feel I could live with myself. I normally stay out of every disagreement when I can, but I can`t tell them what they did was right when I know how deep the pain is for the niece and know they also knew they should have respected her wishes and not been willing to cause more hurt. Such a lame excuse- I was asked to get the phone #. This person could have just called the small business that the hurtful person and her husband were running as that # is in the phone book. One told me she told her sister to call that niece because it was her favorite niece. What does the word favorite mean to her.
I don`t know what will happen next, but in my heart I know the niece`s feeling should have been considered. I know that Walt always thought I often allow others to walk on me just to keep peace in the family. And normally I would have kept silent this time too if I hadn`t known all the facts. It is one thing to be walking on my feelings, but another thing to be a party to hurting another`s feelings. I refuse to hurt others just to please someone.
I have learned that sometimes it helps to write things down, Now, I just hope the others can see why what they did was wrong. There is just one more thing to add and that is this st D never went to her own father`s funeral and the phone call to her st sister was because she (the step)
had asked to be told when the her sisters uncle died just because they had money.
Would you have phoned this sister for the phone # so you could tell her the st mother`s brother had died when you knew she never showed for their own father`s funeral? I know I couldn`t. Why didn`t they just call the S-I-L back and ask her for the number? Would that have been to hard? Some people only see wrong when they are the ones being hurt. Maybe I just care too much for others feelings. Just another thing I inherited from my parents.
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Monday Aug. 18, 08
Now that I have that off my chest, I will tell what I did yesterday while trying to cope with everything. I was out weeding in my flower bed that is located between my home and the home next door that I gave to a daughter a few years ago. ( She has lived there for over 20 years and never missed a rent payment in all those years. Walt agreed with me when I told him I felt this daughter deserved to have that home left to her. I felt she could have owned her own home if she had been paying that long buying a home. Plus I liked the idea of having family living next door to look after Walt if anything happened to me. Little did we know that Walt would be first to go. )

One grandson, his wife and their three sons are temporarily staying with his mother next door. I went out yesterday to do some weeding in my flower bed that goes along my driveway between the two driveways. The two oldest great grandsons came over to ask what I am doing. Then they both wanted to put the weeds I was pulling into the scrap pile at the end of the flower bed. The boys are now 3 and 5. So, after each few weeds pulled I handed them to first one and then the other great grandson. When I finally finished the weeding my grandson came out onto the porch with the little 1 yr old great grandson so I went to the porch to play with him for a while.

Next I decided to start cleaning up some of the dropped apples from the apple tree. I filled a large garbage bag about 1/3 full before I stopped to rest. It was so heavy that I got out my wheel barrel to carry the bag of apples to where the garbage barrels were on the other side of the house. At first I was going to carry the bag, But when the shoulder started to complain, I changed my mind in favor of getting the wheel barrel out of the shed. I only have a small area cleared under the tree, just enough to have walking space to reach the compost bin. The apples still are not eatable and the tree needed to be sprayed a couple more times. Only managed to spray the tree three times. But since it has rained every day I was not able to spray it enough times. Had the same rainy problem last summer. I feel bad tossing away so many apples. If only the sprays I was able to do had helped more. I do see improvement over last year. The tree never had apples until about 4 years ago and every year there are more. This year the tree is loaded, as is the ground under it. With all those apples, I could have kept the whole family and friends supplied and even canned some applesauce. Every year I hope to cure the problem so we can have apples fit for eating. I read on the net that the problem is caused by too much rain and of course I can`t prevent that. A few years ago I started using the fruit tree fertilizer sticks and using the spray to hopefully cure the apple blight ( I think that was what it was called). This spray is supposed to cure that. This year I plan on spraying on up till fall and hope it helps for next year. Walt was the big apple lover and that was why I started taking better care of the tree about 8 to 10 years ago. Just took quite a few years before there were any apples and years more before there were a lot of apples. Not soon enough for Walt to enjoy, now wondering if it will be in my lifetime. But, I am not giving up the spraying yet. I also keep the tree trimmed enough for it to get better sunlight and to keep the lower branches up off the ground. A lot of work every year. Hope it starts paying off before I get to old to do the work.
This apple tree was about 2 feet tall when the youngest daughter first brought it home from a school project. I thought it had died one year, but it came back with two trunks from the same original small trunk. it was so weak at that time that I was afraid if I cut off part of it I might lose both sections. Today both tree sections are taller than most apple trees around here and quite a large distance around. I never dared to cut off one section to give the other section a better chance as it takes two apple trees to bear fruit and I think the two sections must be working like two separate trees with all the apples they are now producing.

Rained again this morning, but they say we might have a couple dry days and it sure would be nice after weeks of rain. If so, maybe I can do another spray job. I finished building the cupboard and now have it sitting next to my kitchen stove. Just waiting for the ordered top to come in at the Lumber place. I had a top with a high back made, but wanted to laminate the top and I wouldn`t be able to bend the laminate up over the raised back, so that was why I decided to order the top. I have two cupboards there and am having one long top section cut to cover both plus the opening space I am leaving between the two cupboards. Now I am trying to decide if I want to make a narrow pull out section in the empty space to hold potatoes and onions ( would need separate shelves since putting them together can cause the potatoes to spoil faster) , or if I want the space for holding soda and the sparkling flavored water drinks to get them out of sight. Or I could just make a section where you can slide the bottles in sideways into separate round openings. OH, well, might not get the top section for another 2 weeks, so that gives me time to decide in. Well, guess I should get up and do something. So far all I have done is to make out the bills and put them in the mailbox. Just saw the mailman drive by, so now have mail to go get. I also spent quite a while on yahoo messenger with a granddaughter living in Virginia- same one who is hoping to have her baby on my Birthday. And of course I have fed and watered my Sassy and let her out and back in. I always take care of her first as soon as I get up. She is now so spoiled that she expects to be cared for first.
Well, this isn`t getting anything done. No washings to do as did that yesterday. So, I better stop playing and get busy.