Wednesday, October 03, 2007


Walt`s Birthday

Walt`s Birthday I am writing this the day before his birthday and will be posting it tomorrow on his Birthday. Here I sit thinking of tomorrow and what it means to me. It would have been Walt's 81st Birthday, but he has been gone since three months before his 76th birthday. In September I celebrated my 76th Birthday and all daylong I kept thinking that he never had his 76th Birthday. I remember how I used to think the same way on my 72nd birthday, that I was older than my father as he was two months short of his 72nd birthday. Always leaves me wishing I could go back and give them more Birthdays. Guess we always wish we could keep our loved ones around forever. Does it ever get easier, or does the emptiness feeling last forever? Will I end up like my mother who spent 20 years alone without her husband, she was almost 91 years old,lacking just 4 days. My father (Jan.31st,1903) was 1 year 3+ months older than my mother (May 4, 1904). At times like this you sometimes think that if your marriage had been an unhappy one you might be glad it was over, but when it was a good marriage,it is harder to accept. You remember that there were times when things weren`t as good as you would have wished, but your next thought is how much you miss all those wonderful years together and wish you could have a lot more years together. Honey, I love you, Honey I care, Wherever I am I still want you near. I wish you a Birthday With your Family up there, I know how much you missed them When you were down here. I remember those dreams Before out first child was born, When every night your mother came To help me handle those hours alone. She begged me to stay with you, Told me things would get better, If only I was willing to hang on And trust our life together. Well Darling, she was right, I`m so glad I believed in your mother`s love. Together in love was our future`s plan, Thank you , Mother, for teaching me about love. Happy Birthday, My Darling, I love you so, Stay close to your mom `s love above, It is now her time to care for you till God calls me home to share our love. Before our first daughter was born was the time when Walt used to join his bro in a bar and come home real late. I was thinking of leaving , I was feeling so unloved. He would tell me he wouldn`t have married me if he hadn`t loved me. But every Friday night when he would leave to pick up his bro at the bar, he would end up staying there with him and I would start wondering again about his love. When I had finally made up my mind I was going to go find a job , move out and plan on raising my baby alone, that was when the night time dreams started. There was this woman who I had never met and she told me she was Walt`s mother. She begged me to give him more time, that things would work out if I would just be patient. These dreams continued for the rest of my months - right up to the day of delivery. Once the baby was born I never had the dreams again. Walt`s mother had died when Walt was only about 14 years old and he didn`t even have a picture of her. I never told anyone about those dreams at the time. But her image stayed with me after seeing her so much. One time when we were visiting his only sister I asked her if she had any pictures of their mother. She had this one picture taken on a wagon shortly after her first set of twins was born. His sister had lived way up North and came down to show her mother her new grandchildren. I bet my face showed what I was going thru because that picture was identical to the woman in my dreams. That was when I decided to tell her about her mother showing up for months every night in my dreams. I am still puzzled on how I was able to see a woman (his mother) in my dreams so clear when I had never even seen a picture to know what she looked like. Also, how was she able to keep me from leaving? Why was her visits so strong I didn`t have the power to go against her wishes. Yes, I probably wanted to believe her, that things would turn out ok if I just waited a while longer. I remember trying to convince her that I already had waited long enough- we had been married a year by then, so hadn`t I waited long enough. I always awoke feeling I should go ahead and leave, but her strength over me was too strong to win over. After our daughter was born and the dreams had stopped I again started thinking of taking our baby and leaving. But I got thinking of how hi smother kept saying things would get better. So, I decided , before just walking out, I would give him the choice of meeting his bro in the bar and losing his wife and daughter, or staying home with us. I even went so far as to get some boxes from a neighbor and packing the baby`s clothes and my own before Walt got home from work that Friday night. When he came home there were the boxes sitting by the front door. When Walt asked me what was in the boxes, I told him and said that - if you go out tonight we won`t be here when you get home. We will be finished. - The boxes must have convinced him because he stayed home and our marriage became happy again.I have to admit that his mother was right, if I was just patient a little longer, everything would turn out ok. I am so thankful to her and hope she knows I have her to thank for over 50 years with the man of my dreams. It still leaves me wondering how dreams like this can happen. I know that our thoughts can produce dreams, but there is no way our minds can make up a picture perfectly of a person we have never met and never even seen a picture of. That is one puzzle I still will never figure out.Sometimes I wonder if his mother stayed watching over her youngest son till she felt he was with someone who would watch over him for her. Walt was the only one still living at home and came home from school to find his mother on the kitchen floor. He never forgot that she was making apple pies at the time and had a heart attack. He told me that his mother lost a pair of twins so small they fit into one of those boxes the wooden matches used to be sold in. he must have seen the twins as he told me they were so tiny and still looked like babies. Apparently the heart attack had brought on the miscarriage. Walt`s father had died over a year before his mother. He was a drinker and not a good husband or good father from what Walt`s brothers and sister told me over the years. Walt had a step father for a short time.All the family seemed to like him, except the sister never actually knew him since she lived a long drive from home. I remember her once asking Walt if he was nice and Walt told her he was always nice to him and Mom. Happy Birthday Walt- October 3rd, 1926- July 19th, 2002. I do believe in love at first sight I fell for you the first time I saw you sitting eating supper in the Hospital cafeteria. It was August 28th, 1950, my first day working as a Nurse`s Aide while you were working there as an Orderly. I learned that you had only worked there a couple months before I started.What a coincidence that we had started working at the same place just a couple months apart. It was a few months that I just looked and finally we did start dating, and after dating for about a year we got married on December 23rd, 1951. Happy Birthday Darling. I still love you and miss you more and more everyday.

Each time you speak of the love you shared with Walt I always smile for I know it is a love like few share and a love like my parents shared.

You shared a story similar to one my mom has told me about her and my dad. They had been married for several years and I was just a little tot. My dad would go out with his younger brother on the weekends and he would come on drunk. My mom was almost due to deliver my brother this particular time when he came in and she had suitcases packed and was leaving. I was told he would have be go back have be go tell her how much he loved her and he would never do it again---this went on all night---he did not do it but one other time and that time he got so sick and he feel in out of the boat in the river. He never drank again became very involved in the church and much later became a deacon. My mom misses him as much as you miss your Walt. These are such special loves.

Thank you for sharing your love for Walt with us and I know he was looking down on you on his special day
Oh Dot, I can see you were really blessed! What beautiful memories.
Your dreams were surely amazing! It helped you because I guess you were willing to give it a try. *Hugs*
Thanks Cara for sharing the story about your mother and father. I never thought to ask my Father and mother how they met till long after my Dad passed away. Seems they were both invited to the same friends birthday party. My mother first met my Father at this party.My mother had gone with a sister and my father had taken a date9 this part was told to me by an Aunt- Mother`s sister who went with her. my Aunt said my Dad took a friend with him ( not a girlfriend, just a good friend) and Dad left the party with my mother and walked her home. They were still in High School at the time. When my Dad turned 21 and my Mom 20 they got married on Christmas Day, December 25th, 1924.
Nice knowing how my Mother and Father first met. They also had a Double Wedding ceremony with one of her sisters, same as I did with one of my sisters- on Dec.23, 1951. Only my sister and I both married men named Walt.
Give your Mom a Hug for me. I can feel her lonesomeness for her husband.
Hi Hillgrandmom, Yes, I often think how different things might have turned out if it wasn`t for those dreams. Can`t say I had a lot of faith in him back then, but glad I hung around and that faith ended up being good to me. Also glad I met Walt before I married another great fellow that I had been dating for about 4 years when I met Walt. That first time I saw Walt while working at the Hospital, I knew what real love was and realized the love I had for the other fellow didn`t compare to how I felt about Walt. Till then, I never realized there was more than one kind of true love. So glad I met Walt before and not after it was too late. If I had married the other fellow, I am sure I would have remained with him because I take the vows to heart. A few years later the fellow met and married a nice girl and they raised a large family. He always wanted enough for a baseball team, think he got that many. I hope he forgave me and ended up as happy as I was. That was my wish for him.
Dear Dot..what a beautiful and inspiring story,I am sure Walt's mom was looking out for him and she knew you were the right person for her son and did not want you to leave. You have so much love for Walt.He was lucky to have had a wife like you.true love.
When you hold someone dear in your heart they are never dead and Walt saw his 76th birthday come and go through your eyes and your love for him as all his other birthdays have come and gone since as this one has.

The his physical being may not be with you but you carry his soul with you as you share one life together as you always did from the first time you saw him in that cafeteria.
I believe with true love two halves of one soul unite and they live on forever as your does and your mothers did.

I wish him may more birthdays to come as you both travel trough time.

Happy Birthday Walt

Beautiful post
Starry nights,
Looking back at our first year of marriage, it is surprising that I didn`t give up and walk out before our first child was born. But things did improve and now I thank about all I would have missed if I had left. I might never have gotten to know the real Walt that I loved so much.
I still thank his Mom and wish I could have know her.
Thanks for the nice words.
Walker, Thanks for the sweet thoughts. Today at the exercise place they were playing many of the old songs that I used to play on the organ and they got me thinking of when I was playing them for Walt. I had to stop listening and start working out harder before the tears started flowing right there in front of all those strangers. I guess they just played too many favorites today, one right after the other. Most of the time I do ok, but once in a while there is something that gets me remembering favorite times and that`s when I get too mushy. But, then I always was one who was sensitive where feelings were concerned.
Listening to your posts about your parents, it sounds like they also have this strong love between them. I`m happy for them.
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