Sunday, September 23, 2007


My Mind was awakened by a tragic TV Movie!

My mind was awakened by a tragic TV Movie.

Here I sit doing nothing when I have so much waiting to get done.

One of those days when watching a movie on TV has me thinking more about my life and the lives of others. It is not a happy style movie. It`s one where the mother supposedly committed suicide and their only daughter gets all messed up from seeing her mother and so she finds an imaginary friend named Charley. Later in the movie it turns out that Charley is actually her own father who killed her mother and after they moved, he ends up killing others. He has a multi-personality even though his profession is being a psychologist. If I had known how this movie plot was going to turn out, I would never have started watching it in the first place. I`m not one who is crazy over movies with hideous style killings in them. I remember when I used to stay up to watch "Twilight Zone" and Walt headed off to bed. By now you are probably wondering why a tragic movie like this one could get me thinking about my own life or the lives of others.

I have a nephew who specializes in psychology. I remember when he first finished his extended Medical training to become a Dr in Psychology. He was talking to Walt and Walt kindly told him he could start with me. ( In case you haven`t been reading my past posts, Walt was my late husband of over 50 years of Marriage.) Even though both my nephew and I knew he was just joking around, my nephew still gave him this answer " The first person I need to practice on is myself before I start taking any patients.' He added this " Doctor , first heal thyself." I think that line had something to do with their Dr`s oath. That happened many many years ago. This nephew ended up marrying another Dr who specialized in Psychology and they have kept their practice going for many years. Watching the movie got me thinking that this father should have started first healing himself. I guess seeing his wife with another man must have threw him over the edge. Of course that scene was never showed till near the very end of the movie.

I wonder how many of these specialist treating people today should start treating themself so they can do a better job helping others. Same goes for some who practice therapy on others. For instance, what makes someone who was raped think they can better help someone else who has been raped. Can they keep their personal feeling of what they went thru from interfering with what the patient is trying to tell them? Can they totally shut off their personal thoughts and totally listen to what their patient is saying, or will what is in their own mind take over. Will they end up trying to heal themself when they were hired to help someone else?
Then again, what makes a person who has never been raped think they can understand how someone who was abused is feeling? I have watched the terrible messes rape causes in some peoples lives. I have seen them go thru one marriage after another, never finding happiness lasting for very long. Do they ever learn how to get past what happened so they can re-start their life and be truly happy? Do they ever learn how to truly trust any man or woman again. My heart aches for them. I have seen it even mess up a parent so that they aren`t a good parent. I see the great love they have for their kids, but still I see some of them being willing to let the other parent raise the kids when their marriage breaks up. It is like they have lost all self respect, like they look down on them self and feel they aren`t good enough to be any ones parent. How do you re-build their self worth feeling about themself. I feel it is important that they first realize they were not at fault, next they have to learn how to love themself before they can completely love anyone else. Why do some people think all it takes is time to get over being raped? I have seen some parents think their kid should be able to handle it after some time or a few years has passed. Does a person ever learn to handle it and be able to happily move on?
I watched one young girl get her bearings back, get a good job and begin being a good parent. Then they start to trust someone and when it doesn`t work out, there they are, right back where they drop their job and stop caring about themself or anyone else all over again. This is a vicious circle, getting a job, putting their kids ahead of themself and looking to the rest of the world like everything is finally working the way it should, then suddenly there they are right back all messed up again. I have seen cases where therapy only helped for a while. Suggesting they find another therapist only seems to work for a while.
I feel helpless when being asked for advice. I can only imagine some of what they must be feeling, but can not know what they are really going thru. I can see the pain and confusion on both their faces and on the faces of those who love them and wish I was so much smarter so I could be of more help. All I am qualified for is being a good listener, telling them they are a good person and showing I care. How do you unscramble their mind so they can move on? So much needless pain in the world. Every parent wants to totally protect their children and when something happens it leaves them feeling like they failed their kids. So, even some of the parents need help handling their guilt feelings when in most cases there would have been nothing they could have know ahead of time to be able to protect them. What irritates me the most is when they release a rapist and they repeat the crime. Why does the law allow repeaters to do time and again be let out around the public when they have already proven they will do it again. Why can`t we make the laws stronger so any repeater can never be released to hurt a third person? Should a repeater still have rights so he or she can just go on attacking others?

I remember when there was another one going thru bulimia. I watched every TV movie, even taped some to re-watch to help me better understand this awful disease. I remember one of the movies was titled " I am taking my life back." I also sent for some literature that helped. Today this young lady is a mother and once told me that she has to keep fighting this illness because she never wants her daughter to go thru what she went thru. Her daughter gave her the strength to win her battle. I pray she never slips back into her old ways. I am proud of watching her fight so hard and win.
Now I ask myself, what can give a person who was raped this strength to win their battle and move on to happiness.
I feel so bad for any one who has ever faced either of these medical problems or others just as terrible and say a prayer for their winning their fight for the good life they deserve. I also say a prayer thanking God for keeping me protected from such painful , awful happenings. Looking at the pain of others, I know how very lucky my life has been. Thank you God for being there to give me the strength to kick and even bite to free myself that day in the woods where we always played as kids. Just having a strange man drop his hunting rifle and grab me was enough for me to never forget the fear I felt when I was small. To this day, I don`t know whatever gave me the idea to bite his shoulder as hard as I could, but it worked, so I am glad I did it. Kicking and punching wasn`t doing any good, but biting caused his hand to release long enough for me to grab my younger sister by the arm and start running as fast as my legs could carry me. My poor sister, her feet hardly touched the ground, I was dragging her so fast. We never stopped till we were safely back to our house. Then my mother never believed us. That hurt for her to think we could ever make up such a story. I never played in the woods again unless one of my brothers was with me. I still remember telling my little sister to run home and get Daddy. She ran just far enough to go around the curve in the road and came back around the corner and said " Has he still got you?" Those words remain with me still after all these years.

Wonderful narrative about a social subject.
The incident with you and your sister was a close encounter !
I kinda understand what you went thru. No, i dint have that exp yet something similar. Anyone going thru a painful incident how many years ago still feel the pain or fear even much later. Its a gradual process of healing oneself over and over again everyday you confront it. I dont know if time heals. I do know you have to go on and try healing yourself everytime.
I suppose time does help in the sense that the edges of the memory can get a little blurred. Then too I think probably when one has had a very loving secure childhood, then, maybe later traumas heal faster??
Dot,do you think theres more weirdo's now or they've always been around just not reported?
Life is a movie without a script where you only get one take and now editing is allowed.
No one is perfect for a job.
Just because you have a degree from school or having experienced it first hand, every circumstance is different for everyone.

I know two different women that have been raped and one still has nightmare because of it and another thought it was great.
Each one of them would give different advice based on their feelings.
Doctors spend lots of time learning in schools how to deal with these people but can’t feel what they went through and are dispensing help according to their thoughts, beliefs and what they have learned through case studies.

I think the best anyone could do is muddle their way through and hope they are helping as much as they could.

Great post Dot
Jac, I still remember it like it was yesterday. I still remember that little girl and the terror she felt, but the only marks left from it is that I was left more alert to what is happening around me and a feeling of not trusting a stranger. Plus the feeling of terror makes me more sensitive to what others go thru when fear is involved. thanks for stopping by. Have a wonderful vacation!!!!
Cecilia, I agree, from what i have seen they never fully get past what happened. it leaves you with such a helpless feeling just knowing you can`t remove their pain.
Nice hearing from you again.
Hi Hillgrandmom, I wish time did help more than it seemd to. yes, maybe part of the turmoil they went thru might become not so clear, but do they ever fully trust again. I certainly hope so.
Always nice hearing from you.
Gazza, I think they were probably always happening but think in the olden days people felt too ashamed to tell anyone. I think in the old days parents looked at it as a family shame if others found out. Today they know it isn`t something to be ashamed about, they don`t blame the inoscent person who was attacked. Plus I know of one case where the girl never told because it was her own father`s brother and she didn`t want to hurt her father`s feelings or make him feel guilty for allowing his bro to stay in their home. I think today it helps that schools are teaching them to report any kind of abuse. Also most kids are more able to tell their parents and know they will believe them.
I am sure it is still harder for a boy to admit it happened to them, but the law is finally listening and locking them up So they are finally punished for the crime they committed. Silence only leaves them free to hurt someone else. That alone gives some the courage to come forward and take them to court because they don`t want it to happen to anyone else.
Yes Walker, that is one thing that can`t be learned in books. I have seen girls who never seem to handle what happened, and have also known one who goes on pretending she is past it and that it isn`t bothering her at all. But her being unable to trust and stay close ended up wrecking her marriage and she just can`t seem to stay with any man for very long. Another girl has been married three times and she can`t get past what happened to her- but her case was even worse in what she went thru. She actually thought she could talk her way out of danger, but she learned that type can`t be reasoned with. Both girls left town thinking getting away fron where it happened might help-- but I can`t see where they are any happier today and it has been years. I also know of a lad who was left feeling he wasn`t a man and his trying to prove he was a man resulted in ruining his marriage. Today he still blames himself for messing up his marriage, but he was only about 12 or 13 when he was raped- too young to be able to protect himself. No one knew about it for years except for a brother. So, guess it messes up a mans life as much as a womans when something like this happens to them.
My heart goes out for anyone who has been cruely abused in any way.
Hope the work is about done enough so you can finally get more rest from all those hard working days you have been putting in.
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