Dot`sThoughts

Today my twins turned 52 years old. The 4th birthday without their Dad. I called one son early this morning because he works the night shift at the school. Just finished calling the other son as he works days for the town. Time sure flies. Where did all those years go. When I called the last son, he got talking about his Dad. Having lost my Dad in 1975, I know how they feel.

Woke up this morning feeling like I was in a fog and had no reason for feeling that way.
Knew I had to get over it if I planned on heading to the Bank. But, if I didn`t head to the bank, then my checks wouldn`t get cashed. These small pension checks that my husband had were what I live on all month- for groceries and other odds and ends. Yes, the SS check goes straight into the bank to pay bills. Origionally Walt had these pensions set up so he got 100 percent, so you can imagine my surprise when I discovered he had changed it just before his mill shut down, giving him just 50 percent and leaving the other 50 percent for me to receive if I should outlive him. I knew he cared, but never knew he changed it till the pension check started coming in my name with the same amount. What a guy, always thinking ahead - thinking of what's best for me.
Wonder if he wished he hadn`t after the Mill closed up and he was 1 1/2 years away from retiring and drawing SS. Didn`t take long to draw out all of our savings to live on. Our youngest daughter graduated just 3 weeks after his Mill closed. Who ever expects a mill to close so quickly. But, it was sold twice and they kept all the regular workers. It started out as a wallpaper co.. Then it was sold to a co. that made paint. The last new owners mostly made car paint. All these chemicals were probably what caused his lung disease. Breathing them daily for years and years- almost 40 years working with chemicals this way.

I remember one time when he went with me to take our youngest daughter to the Hospital to have her first baby. When I was expecting in the older days, the father wasn`t allowed to stay with you. Times sure have changed. Maybe that is why most families are smaller today. Now the Dad gets to see what his wife goes thru, so he understands it isn`t one big picnic to have a child.
Well, to get back to that time, Walt left me there and I spent the night with our daughter and he went home to go to work the next morning. Being his youngest daughter- his little baby girl who he kept forgetting was more grown up now, he was worried more than before. I guess it must be harder for a Dad to give up his last daughter. He likes keeping her as his little girl. Well, when the baby was born, I called his mill to let him know. When his Boss answered in the part of the plant where he worked, all he said to me was "Thank God, now maybe he can get some work done." I had to ask him what he was talking about. I was told that Walt had dumped a whole large tray of paint all over himself. The Boss told me Walt was a wreck, worrying if his daughter was ok. The baby`s own father had no interest in becoming a father. Think that made him worry even more, knowing she was alone without us. The Boss put Walt on the phone and I could here the relief in his voice when I told him both mom and baby are doing fine. That's when it hit me that this was the first time he had seen someone going thru that much pain , since he was made to wait in the waiting room while I was going thru the pain for our first one, and after that first time, he was there to watch as they wheeled me onto the elevator heading for the op room. No wonder he was so scared. He never knew how much pain was involved.

I still remember how he looked in his work uniform and hard hat. I thought he looked cute, even when sometimes the uniform was too big and made him look like a little skinny guy. At his funeral, one of his co-workers told me that in all the years Walt had worked at that plant, he never had anyone he didn`t get along with.

I remember how he often spent his lunch time playing cards with the other fellows. If I remember right, they played the card game "Hearts". They played for money, but never allowed it too get out of hand as most all the fellows had families to support at home. I had never played Hearts until I started playing on the net with a friend from Texas. We only played for a short time and I was never real good at it. I did good enough for us to win a lot, but I know it was because she was such a good player. that was years ago and today I would probably need to learn all over again.

We used to play cards at my Mothers for years- Canasta and other such games. But when my Mother got into her 80`s, she decided it was easier for her to play "Crazy Eights". I remember one New Years Eve when she kept us playing all night long. Every time we mentioned leaving, my Mother would look at Walt and say " You can play one more game before you leave, can`t you Walt? He never had the heart to say he was too tired and we needed to go home. It was 5am in the morning when my mother looked up at us and said, Dot, you and Walt look tired. Why don`t you go upstairs and get some sleep. We were so tired that we fell asleep as soon as we hit the pillows. Back in the same old bed I slept in with my older sister when we were kids. I don`t think my mother ever did go to bed, not unless she took a nap the next afternoon after we left for home. Here she was in her 80`s and able to stay awake easier then us younger ones. She was on a Bowling Team and winning Trophies in her 80`s. When she hit 90, she was still playing crazy Eights. Only difference was she would nod off every little while and the rest of us would talk in whispers and wait for her to wake up and take her turn.

Well, after taking my shower this morning, I did wake up enough to go to the bank. So, that job is over for another month. I got the car out of the garage early before I let my dog out as she likes to follow me and makes it harder for me to back out while worrying where she is. For years, I only had about 1/2 inch to spare on each side of the mirrors, so backing out was a pain. To make it worse, the building isn`t straight in line with the driveway. Would have built it lined up better if we had known someday it would become our garage. But it was originally a Bike Shop for many years and later became a Grocery Store for about 9 years before he decided he wanted the bike shop back for another 7 or 8 years. After all these years, last Fall I finally took my trusty little wen saw and curved an inward slope on the 2x4 door framework on each door where the car mirrors lined up to give me a little more room to spare. I`m surprised no one ever hit my mirrors and broke them off on me since others sometimes drove my car. Little easier backing out now. Don`t know why I didn`t think to do that years ago. Well, as soon as I got the car out this morning and went in the house to let the dog out, it started raining. I decided to wait a while and once it stopped raining I headed off to the bank. The rain held off until after I was back home and had the car back in the garage. Now, that`s what you call lucky. Someone was looking out for me I think.
Wanted to go today as expecting more rain tomorrow which might turn to snow Thursday and Friday. It was a bit foggy this morning, but driving wasn`t bad. The sky looks awful gray tonight, so probably will get even foggier tonight.

WOW, just had a lot of the fireman's cars, plus the ambulance heading up the road past the corner of my road. I put on my scanner to see what happened. Someone has sheered off a telephone pole on the corner of Central and Rhode Island Ave. That is just a few streets from my street. Haven`t heard yet if anyone was hurt. I hope not. They say the very bottom of the pole is still in the ground, but the top larger section is hanging with the wires. They are sending a flatbed to pick up the car, so it has to be in rough shape. Leaves more fear about the occupant or occupants that were in that car. A bit scary, even more so since I have lived in this area since 1955 and thru the Bike Shop, the Grocery Store and the Cub and Boy Scouts that Walt and I handled for over 15 years, we know many who live in this area. I also have 2 of my daughters and 2 of my sons and their families living near by, plus a couple of Walt`s nieces and nephews also live above me. One of my daughters had a car totaled on the corner next to this corner when a car never stopped for the stop sign. The car belonged to the car place where she used to work. Luckily she was giving her boss a ride to work that morning so he knew it wasn`t her fault. I heard there were more accidents because people aren`t stopping for the stop signs. Haven`t heard the Ambulance heading for the hosp yet and should be able to still hear the siren even if they use the other main road. That is even more scary. Think I will call ,my daughter and see if she has heard anything since she lives just above that corner on the next road. She isn`t home, she`s off to her daughters. Both the ambulance and the fire truck just went back by our corner heading for the Firebarns. Hope that means no one was seriously hurt.