Tuesday, September 05, 2006


Dear Abby- this mornings topic.

Something I just read in an dear Abby`s column that reminded me of what I taught my children about not judging a book by it`s cover , as the old saying goes. Another old saying- never judge anyone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. I did my best to teach them how to make their own decisions and not be influenced by their friends thoughts. Life is full of choices and to be able to handle them you must first learn how to handle your own self. You must be able to see two sides to every situation before you can decide which one is best for you to do. Watching my children raising their children made me proud. I watched one son support and raise his 3 kids alone after his wife left-- all 3 Graduated from High School, one from College, one is making a career in the Marines, one is a school teacher and the youngest one has a job. One daughter supported her 6 kids with very little help from her Husband, working a full time job while attending college days, tried for years to make a bad marriage work before she gave up. Another daughter finally ended an abusive marriage , worked three jobs to support herself and her 2 kids and will be getting remarried next spring to a wonderful lad. He treats her kids and her grandkids better than their own father does. Five of my 6 kids own their own homes. My youngest Daughter is married and a prison Guard, youngest son is a roofer and construction worker. My twins- one works for the school system and the other for the Town. One, with his wife adopted two children and it is so nice seeing these kids looking so happy. They were sister and brother, but had grown up in different foster homes and never got to know each other till they were adopted, and now here they are growing up together like sisters and brothers should. Four of my kids are now grandparents. My how time flies. Only 2 of my grandchildren are still in high School, plus the youngest is only 2 years old. So far, only 1 of the 17 grandchildren has quit school. I think that tells a lot about what good parents they all became. I tell all this to explain why I am so proud of my kids. They are all very hard workers and such loving parents and grandparents. Many times over the years , I wanted to give my point of view, but I knew I had to stay out of their marriages and let them make their own decisions. One of the hardest things about being a parent is keeping your thoughts to yourself when every ounce of your strength has you wanting to jump in and knock a head till it wakes up and acts proper. But, other than stepping in to protect someone from physical injuries , my feelings were- I didn`t make their marriages and I don`t have the right to end them. They have to either make it work, or end it themself. Whenever someone asked me why I didn`t do something, I would answer-- I didn`t make their marriage and I can`t end it. It is their decision to make and if I did a good job raising them then they will be strong enough to handle their own problems without any interference from either their father or I. All I could do was be there for them when needed

Sometimes I see someone trying to handle some very hard problems and I have two feelings come to mind-- first is wishing I had the power to remove those problems, next is to thank God I am not going thru what they are. Ever feel that way?

Here is the Dear Abby one that got my mind thinking this morning:

DEAR ABBY: I recently learned a lesson about not judging a book by its cover. A young man and his divorced mother moved into our quiet neighborhood of mostly retirees and young couples who have not yet started families. When we first laid eyes on the young man, we saw a guy with shoulder-length hair dressed all in black -- complete with black fingernail polish and black eyeliner. Everyone thought the worst: "Oh, no! A heathen devil-worshipper!" A few months later, he presented himself in ragged jeans, a flannel shirt, his head completely shaved. Again we thought the worst: "He's turned into one of those neo-Nazi skinheads!" I later learned from his mother that her son is a sociology major at a university about 200 miles from here. (He had to evacuate during Hurricane Katrina as a large portion of the campus was destroyed.) The black attire we first saw was for a costume party he was attending that evening. He grows his hair long to donate to Locks of Love, which uses it to make wigs for cancer patients who have lost their hair during chemo, hence the shaved head. He spends his summers working with groups going to underprivileged countries to teach the children to read and write. He also goes with Doctors Without Borders to help inoculate people who have never had the basic childhood vaccinations against rubella, tetanus, etc. I feel completely ashamed of myself for forming such an opinion about this wonderful young person simply from his appearance at a distance. I have since gotten to know him during his weekend visits home to see his mother and have discovered what an intelligent, compassionate, giving individual he is, and I am honored to have him as a neighbor. Please warn your readers not to make the same mistake I and the rest of my neighbors made in judging a worthwhile young man by his appearance at first glance. -- ASHAMED IN BRANSON, MO.

Just goes to show how gossup can be incorrect and can also hurt others. Do not judge, lest we be judged ourself. Another saying I was raised with.


Just received some bad news. My older sister`s husband was just admitted into the hospital near where they live and the outcome isn`t good. Please say a prayer for him, my sister and their family. They live over 3 miles drive from me, so I can`t get there for her the way I wish I could. He is a wonderful brother-in-law. My daughter was hoping he would be able to walk her down the isle next spring in her Dad`s place. That shows what a great person he is.

Thanks everyone. Nothing can help except hopefully the power of prayer.

Prayers on the way...
Thanks loads Karen, I do appreciate it as will his wife and family. Thanks!!
Prayers for your brother-in-law and family, Dot.

How true, we think someone is "bad" and they have the soul of an angel and we think someone is good and they're living a double-life.

Your kids all sound awesome...hmm, any single sons there? Did I just type that out loud? :) Just kidding. Have a great day. :)
Thanks Monica. We can`t have too many prayers right now.
You are so right about double lives. They were not what I would have chosen for them, but as the old saying goes "Love is blind" surely came true this time. One is getting re-married in the spring to a wonderful lad. Have known him for over 5 years and he is the type I would want for her. I prayed I was wrong before and now I am praying I am right this time.
yes, two sons still free with their kids all graduated. Haahaa. thanks for the smile, I really needed one.
Dot I saw the nest post too! Prayers for your sister and her family.
Oh dot, you said it so well about wanting to jump in to remove pain & hurts but accepting that our children are adults and therefore can make thier own decisions. The only time we can help is if asked for it.
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